What a week!

I have to say that last week was one of the most challenging weeks I have ever had. In Institute this week my teacher talked about being put in 'the press' and how school and life and teachers etc. can press us. I felt VERY pressed. Pressed to the point of tears, more than once.
Last week I decided that taking 18 credits was insane and I was going to withdraw from one of my classes and take it in May. There were a few bumps getting to the point where I could actually go and do it, which caused a lot of distress. Plus my Professor for Sr Art show decided that she wanted us to have our exhibition outline with sketches and plans and examples ready by Tuesday (today). Of course add a ton of reading and other art projects and assignments mixed in with stress and some emotions and you get Alanna freaking out to the point of feeling depressed.

Of course I got through it! It was difficult, but I did. With help. Over the weekend I was still feeling emotionally worn out, tired and depressed. I went to visit my brother who has been going through a very difficult emotional time. So mix the two of us together for the weekend and you have me going a bit crazy.
While I was there trying to support my brother, I was reading my scriptures and felt that I needed to ask myself some questions. First, I asked myself "what is making me feel this way, and is it a rational feeling?" I noticed that some of my feelings were irrational and I knew that I needed to be patient and to think positively, so that helped me to identify the things that were bothering me. Second, I asked myself "What can I learn from these trials?" Some things I came up with were faith, patience, endurance, and relying on the Lord.
Last I asked myself "Have I talked to the Lord about this and asked for comfort?" another question to go with that is "How much have you relied on the Lord?" I realized that although I pray regularly I was not having the faith that I needed, and I wasn't asking for what I really needed. I needed to ask Heavenly Father for his comfort and help. And I did. The peace that came to my mind and heart were indescribable. I was able to think clearly and I was given the peace that I needed. In James 1:3 is says that the trying of our faith worketh patience, and I know that part of life is being patient for the Lord's time and being patient in general. But it also means that sometimes our faith needs to be tried, by going through the press.

I am so grateful for prayer! I know the God loves all of His children and He wants us to be happy! If we communicate with Him, then he is better able to bless us. If we ask for comfort, he shall give it.

Although last week was a nightmare, I know that I can learn a lot of things from it that can and will bless my life. How grateful I am for that knowledge! Now I just need to keep reminding myself :) and keep relying on the Lord! It's always easier to see the blessing from a trial when you're past it, rather than when you're in it. That's why we must Endure to the End! We sure have a lot to endure in this life, but the eternal rewards make up for it ten fold.

I have a lot of decisions to make in my life, and I know that some of those cannot be answered at this time. I have a lot to do and stress and feeling sad do NOT help with the creative process. I am happy, I am blessed and I am SO GRATEFUL for my friends and family who are there for me and support me through everything! You really are wonderful :)

Seeing far is one thing, going there is another

This is a quote that my Professor shared with us in Senior Art Show. I'm really feeling this quote right now. It seems that I need to "see far" in a lot of aspects of my life. I have my Art Show, Graduation, moving away from home and graduate school. All of those are very important aspects of my life, and they are all overlapping in their time.

Graduation preparation has started (paying for cap and gown and applying to graduate etc), and I feel like I barely have a grasp on what to do for my senior show. Art show is in April, Graduation is in May. The other thing I need to decide is whether or not to do a Maymester, since that decision will influence other important decisions.

I told Mom and Dad that I have felt that Alaska is not where I should be after I graduate. I've known this for a year, and last year I was considering Utah. Of course I went to school there all summer, and I just felt that that wasn't the right place for me to go. The East coast was always very appealing to me, but I was afraid to be out here on my own. Then Jeremy decided to move back to NC. So at this moment I am leaning toward living in NC after I graduate (and visit home). Which means that I would have to find a job. Hopefully something related to my FCD major.

The other thing that this influences is graduate school. I would love to eventually do Art Therapy, but to start out I've decided to do a general counseling degree or do an MSW/LCSW. North Carolina schools happen to have some programs I really like, and most of them are cheaper than the VA schools that have the programs I want. Hence another reason why I'm leaning toward moving to NC. Also, I wouldn't be starting grad school until fall of 2011. So I have time to worry about that later!

Of course in all of these big decisions I must seek God's will in all of them. Sometimes I find this challenging because my art professor wants us to be centered on Art daily. But I really believe that Art has a way of speaking to our spirits, and I know that as I focus on the good things in life I will be open to the influence of the Spirit, and thus being open to the influence and guidence it brings. I know the Lord will guide me during this time. I also know that I will be spending a lot of time on my knees this semester. I knew that big decisions would be coming my way, and now the time is coming closer. I now need to go there. Be. Do. Accomplish.

Overall, I am happy and blessed. I'm just grateful that I have all the tools to help guide me in the correct direction. Life is wonderful and full of challenges that help us to grow. I know that this semester will be the most challenging mentally, spiritually and artfully! Now I just need to rise to the challenge and take life head on!

Here are some monotypes that I promised :) (the last is my favorite)

Seeing Black

Wow... it's my LAST SEMESTER of my undergraduate career. How exciting is that!? VERY

So here's the big things that I need to accomplish this semester:
1) Senior Art Show
2) Senior/Advanced Paper
3) Book of Mormon 1 (Independent Study)
4) Book of Mormon 2 (I need both to graduate from institute. Woo hoo!)
5) Pass all of my classes with a B or higher :) (Ok, so that's more of a goal than anything)
6) GRADUATE

Can you guess which one is BIG(not including graduation)!? Well if you can't... it's the Art show. We had our first meeting yesterday and it was so scary, but SO EXCITING at the same time! Prof Crawford asked us what we wanted to get out of Senior show and when we went around the room I said that I wanted to push myself and do something that will make me grow in a lot of ways. Which means that I need to be confident in my ability and to not be afraid of the unknown. Crawford told me I just need to "Jump off a cliff and fly." I think I'm going to have a running start...

Senior Art show will be in almost exactly 3 months. It will open in April and end after graduation. All I know is that I will be doing books of some kind. I also want to incorporate printmaking into it. So I have a chosen medium, I just need some inspiration! So whenever I think of something, or hear a song that becomes visual for me, I write it down. I'm starting a Senior Art journal of sorts. She wants us to write al of our thoughts about everything down. Of course I also need to sketch and such, so I need a nice large sketchbook to go with it.

The only thing about art and taking art classes is that I tend to get some of the best ideas when I'm trying to sleep. But does that really help me in regards to rest? No, not really. So I've decided that I need to buy a bedside lamp and keep my journal there or else it will take 2 hours before I fall asleep at night. I figure if it's a great idea I may as well write it all down and draw it while it's fresh in my mind.

Lately I've been up late thinking about printmaking and monotypes (which are the kind of prints we are working on at the moment). Today was our first day of work. I haven't taken printmaking since my FRESHMAN year here at SVU! So it's been about 3-4 years. I think it went fairly well. except for teh part where my fingers and hands got ink all over them! HAHA! Hence I'm seeing black. It seems like the black fingers are BACK! Honestly? I'm so excited for printmaking! I always enjoyed it (although I wasn't very good at it back then... Or at least my skills have improved since then), hence I'm makking it part of my senior show.

I know this is essentially all about art, but art is life. What can I say? Art is everywhere! It's in movies, the clothes we wear, the furniture we sit on, the books we read, the music we listen to and every sign or logo you see? Yep. that's all art. Isn't art wonderful? God really is the master artist. I don't think there's anything more beautiful than this Earth. The other day I saw the most breath-taking sunset and I just thought "Wow. God is amazing." Because He is! He is the master creator, and because of that he gives us all the ability to create :)

I would show you an example of a monotype, but I don't want to post something that's copyrighted. So I might have to add one of mine. Eventually. But for now here's a random picture of me from Christmas '09 where I'm painting a picture :) haha well, trying to anyway.

About Time!

HAPPY FINALS WEEK!! (ha...ha...)

I decided that it was about TIME I wrote on my blog! I've decided that I need to be better about it.
So last time we left off...
I was finishing up my Summer in Utah. So Since then I:
- Got to see Katie (before leaving UT)
- Stayed in Arizona for a week (before fall semester)
- Started Fall semester at SVU
- Went to my cousin Joshua's wedding in September
- Received the call to be a Relief Society teacher (I LOVE IT!)
- Stressed out a LOT over classes
- Did my senior presentation for my Family Life major
- Turned 22
- Kimberly came home from her MISSION (yeeeeah!!!!)
- I went to a few school dances (both of which I went with Lyzzie)
- Had a great Halloween and dressed up as Thing 2 (Lyzzie was Thing 1) from Cat in the Hat
- Got to see my brother Eliot when he brought me his car (which is now "mine")
- Went to Raleigh for Thanksgiving with Saskia
- Did a whole lot of homework
- And more homework...
- and more stress...


so here are some pictures to go along with my list :)

Everything in between

WOW! It's about time for an ALANNA update! I know, I'm bad at this and it's been forever. Let's see...
At the beginning of April my family (only Jonn and Eliot could come out of the 4 boys) and I went to General Conference! It was so cool! We went to the Saturday and Sunday afternoon sessions. I think of of the highlights is that at the last session of conference President Monson waves to each section of the conference center, and we wave back! But it was a very special and unique experience, and I'd love to do it again sometime!

After General Conference weekend I went down to St. George to spend about 3 weeks iwth Chris, Elisa and the kids. One of teh best things we did while I was there is go to Zion National Park. It was so a beautiful and the hike was really easy, but the view was amazing! Plus it was really fun to see Timothy and Amanda and spend time with them. Timothy taught me how to play Pokemon (yeah.... shush) and Amanda and I painted together! Overal it was a fun trip. Then, Chris drove me up to PROVO, UT to go to BYU for the summer! Yeah.... I know... pretty crazy.
For the first week or so BYU was pretty rough. I felt friendless and I was just having a hard time adjusting to everything that was going on in my life. Adjusting to a new school, finding my way around campus, not knowing anyone, and just feeling really lost. I think I actually went through a little bit of an "identity" crisis. Ok, a small one, but it still happened! There are just so many amazing people here and I just wasn't feeling like I fit in. But about 2-3 weeks after school started (The end of April) I finally (again) figured out that it was OK to be me, and to just be true to my self. Pura Vida!
So FINALLY after being here for about 5 weeks, I decided that I was comfortable enough documenting my life here. haha. ok, mostly I just didn't have anything TO document! So Jenny (my roommate) and Camille ( a pinoy girl from my ward) decided to make bread, and I decided to join them! And I figured "hey, it's a social interaction, I should take a picture!" And some of you know me well enough to know that I LIKE to take pictures! So I decided to put some pictures from that on here.
Hmmmm BYU in general is good. I enjoy all of my classes. I'm taking book binding (auditing, which means I'm just taking it to take it, and not for credit), Infant Development (my hardest class), Adolescent Development (the teacher ROCKS), and Polynesian Dance (yeah... it kinda hurts but it's way fun!). At this very moment I SHOULD be writing a paper for infant development (hey, I started it!) but i needed a break. Let's see, what else at BYU?

Well, I made bread. Did LOTS of homework and lived in the Library (not ALL the time) got to see some cool friends, but after being here for 6-7 weeks, my roommate left and I discovered that I was being LAME and really needed to make friends and actually BE social.
So on Sunday me and a bunch of girls from the ward went to the temple grounds, and afterward some of us watched a nice wholesome movie. Monday night I went to FHE and played games with some people afterward. On Tuesday night I went to play voleyball with some people from our ward, which was really fun! I liked it a lot. On Thursday night I went and played games with some people from my ward, and today I got to go tot he temple with a sister from my ward. So YEAH! Way to go me on being social! haha.
So overall things have been looking up. I'm really looking forward to Summer term. I only have classes on Monday and Wednesdays and I will be taking self-defense, Personal and Family Finances, and SOcialization Across Childhood! wooooo!

That is all I have to say for now! :) Hope you all liked the 3-months-in-one-blog post!

Busy Busy Busy

The Last few weeks have been pretty busy! I got accepted into BYU for their Spring and Summer term as a visiting student. Also, Mni was baptized on March 7th! It was a wonderful experience and she's so happy and excited about being a member of the church. It's wonderful to watch. Another event is that I got to go to Lynalice's bridal shower and wedding! I almost cried at the wedding... but I didn't. A lot of people did though. I've decided that when I get married, I will probably cry tears of happiness. I mean, if I almost cry at a friends wedding, what will I do when I get married? haha! Oh... and which apparently will be within the next year because I caught the bouquet. wooo. go Alanna for snatching it out of the air!! So here are some pictures of recent events :) enjoy!

At the Bridal shower. Yeah, we lke to put pictures up backwards haha.
L-R: Elder Noesi, Elder Crum, Mni, Alanna. This is us being normal :)


Mni and I after the baptism :)


Here's the "normal" picture

I suppose...

It's about time for an update! wooooo! I have this funny habit of either blogging, or hand writing the stuff that goe son in my life. Lately I've been journaling more than anything, hence me not blogging more. But i figure it's nice to at least put updates on whatever is going on.
It is February 2009, and a new year has passed. 2008 was a pretty crazy year! I went to school in the beginning of the year, I traveled to Boston/Massachusetts, I traveled to Italy (both school related), I spent End of May-beginning August in Hawaii with my mom and Grandma, and spent mid August -Early October in Florida with mom and dad. I decided in July (very end) that I wanted to try and serve a mission. I made wonderful new friends like Crystal and Bekah and James. I got my first "real job" in 2008.
Now it's 2009. So much has happened in 2 months! I finished my job (it was seasonal) I FINALLY turned in my mission papers, then was told that it wasn't what I was to do, and now I am making plans to go to BYU for their spring and summer terms so that I can take classes to gradute in 2010 (on time)! So plans have changed drastically. But I really think that this year will be even better than last year. Last year my testimony grew and I learned a lot of things.
Since this year has started I've learned SO MUCH. I almost feel like I've learned more about the Spirit, Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father and the gospel in the last two months than I did last year! Being "rejected" made me realize a lot of different things.
First, I learned to forgive myself. Second, I grew closer to my friends because o fthe support they gave me through the whole process. Third, the Lord has given me an opportunity to be a missionary at home. I'm haven't been called to be a ward misionary, but I've been a member missionary! Because, of ocurse, we are all missionaries. Luckily for me the Elders invite me to come teach with them, and we've been teaching two girls now for over a month, and one is planning on getting baptised in 2 weeks!!! The experiences I've had teaching (or helping to teach) have lead me closer to God. I believe that Heavenly Father gave me this chance since I was not called to be a full time missionary. I've been blessed in so many ways since the "rejection" that I know it was the correct decision. I knew it after 3 minuted of crying my eyes out.
I'm doing well and I'm happier than I have been in a while! I'm glad to say that I know where I'll be in a year (I'll be at school) and I know what direction I want to take my life. It's nice to NOT be in limbo anymore in regards to my life. I am happy and life is wonderful!

Come what may and love it!